Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
