Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
