If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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