I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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