so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
