Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize