Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
