the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
