If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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