I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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