Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The ass gains better be worth it
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