i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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