I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
