she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize