do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
