I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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