wat bout pragnant strippers??
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
