2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Farmville is her only friend.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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