the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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