my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
