Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
