I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
