oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
