Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
