Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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