Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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