"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.â€
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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