Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
