Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Panties = found
Randomize
