she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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