oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
