Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize