Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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