Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
only you would photoshop your dick
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Less talking, more tequila
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
