First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
