You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
