the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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