Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
