You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
