im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize