the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
