yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
