I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she told me i tasted like america
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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