I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Mom said you looked used
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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