He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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