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My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
