i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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