We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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