i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize