Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
try to milk me bitch
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