I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
