thus making me awesome and them whores
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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