"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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