i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
