I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
