I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize