Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my shit smells like andre
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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