last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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