ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
