this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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