My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
