my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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