bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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