when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
