Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize