I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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