He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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