drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
