i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
