tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
