as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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