An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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