At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
