xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
