No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
smell my finger.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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