This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
