my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think I died a long time ago.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
