I wish I could punch you in the face.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
