it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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