I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
