Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
