ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
