Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
