My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
