Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
