So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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