I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
