ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
