So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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