you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize