Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
