We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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