I bet he comes in French.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
