I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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