I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
