I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
