We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
