Already got asked if we're dating
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
