New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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