Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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