Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize